Needless to say for i’ve been telling you how many times. that i always the person who stays the same when the world keep spinning around me.

It’s damn wrong if you have thought that i never thought you as my friend. i’m a fragile person. when i trust someone i tend to give my 100% trustness with her/him. it may becomes my weakness or strengthen. that’s why when i was dissapointed, i’d become really deeply dissapointed. Why? because i thought you would give me that trustness too. i’m a person who cannot easily say “sweet words” to my beloved one but i cherish them and i always try to help when there’s someone who needs me.

Honestly, i always have thought that i’ve never been a good enough person to cheer you up when you were sad or laugh freely when you were happy. i’m not faking, cause i just can’t do this as sweet as the other girl friends i know. some of you might think that i have confidence, cause i can singing in front of many people. Or might think cause i’m communication students, i must be pro in communicate with people. That’s wrong way to look at me as a human. i’m actually an inferior person. You don’t know how much i tried those passed years when i try to handle this inferiority. Just by singing i can speak up what i feel and maybe with writing. I’m afraid that when i speak up my words that i’m hurting someone with my words. Especially when i was in a really bad mood.

I can be so rude with words. i can be a hateful person, when i was really hurted by something. but truthfully, you may ask my brother or my closest members that in few months or years later i can forgive and forget this feeling. cause back to my words, i think i have small heart and i can’t keep all those hurted feeling eternally cause then i will feel bad with myself for become such a rude person.

I don’t do politic with friends, i ain’t never start something if i don’t be disturbed with something that annoys me.

I just thought that you would come to me and not leaving me alone. i prefer to be hurted in front of my face rather than behind my face. i prefer to be told in advance rather than aftermath. cause after that, it just too late to fix my heart though i still can try. and i still thinking of you as my best friend.

That’s why this quote is really describe how i cherish the friendship; “Sometimes, your closest friends end up hurting you more than your worst enemies would ever come close to”. Because of what? because i think when you were best friend you could say anything freely, you don’t have to feel that things will destroy yr friendship. eventhough it’s hurt but it might be better if you say it truthfully rather than keep it and reveals it someday. cause then yr friend, who thought that you think the same as her will feel that she feels untrusted, ignored and then finally bertrayed cause you don’t even talk with her and suddenly create your own gang and realized your dreams suddenly without even shared it with me?? what is my fault? i thought friends will share their dreams together, sorry if i was miss-interpretation this. if u didn’t feel it that way.

i don’t know if you can take this honest-writing as fine as me, cause words tend to be misscomunicated when you want the readers understand it. the point is, i’m not changing. i never change. just need time and fix these questions in my head~~

that “why did u feel hard to tell me about what you wanna to talk to me at first?”

“did u think that i was gonna feel really JEALOUS when u do this to me?” -yes, a lil bit, it’s fake if i don’t feel tht lil bit. but hey? don’t be so narrow freund, whatever happen i’ll be in your side if you indeed remember me at first.

Lastly, i’m really surprised that you will be able to realize your dreams this fast. i wish eventhough you’re growing up you still have those pure mind and clear vision to reach your dreams, then i will be proud to say that you are really great and person to be proud of as one of my best friends. cause when you’re grown up you intend to just wanna be succes without thinking about by how did you get it and you lose the natural process.

I always pray for your happiness and no matter how it i still spare my heart for those who taught me about life, and you are one of them :)

always remember, u are my best friend and sister, even if we don’t talk very often i am here when u need me..

* i wish this writing would make things up clearly?