Posts tagged: writing
Needless to say for i’ve been telling you how many times. that i always the person who stays the same when the world keep spinning around me.
It’s damn wrong if you have thought that i never thought you as my friend. i’m a fragile person. when i trust someone i tend to give my 100% trustness with her/him. it may becomes my weakness or strengthen. that’s why when i was dissapointed, i’d become really deeply dissapointed. Why? because i thought you would give me that trustness too. i’m a person who cannot easily say “sweet words” to my beloved one but i cherish them and i always try to help when there’s someone who needs me.
Honestly, i always have thought that i’ve never been a good enough person to cheer you up when you were sad or laugh freely when you were happy. i’m not faking, cause i just can’t do this as sweet as the other girl friends i know. some of you might think that i have confidence, cause i can singing in front of many people. Or might think cause i’m communication students, i must be pro in communicate with people. That’s wrong way to look at me as a human. i’m actually an inferior person. You don’t know how much i tried those passed years when i try to handle this inferiority. Just by singing i can speak up what i feel and maybe with writing. I’m afraid that when i speak up my words that i’m hurting someone with my words. Especially when i was in a really bad mood.
I can be so rude with words. i can be a hateful person, when i was really hurted by something. but truthfully, you may ask my brother or my closest members that in few months or years later i can forgive and forget this feeling. cause back to my words, i think i have small heart and i can’t keep all those hurted feeling eternally cause then i will feel bad with myself for become such a rude person.
I don’t do politic with friends, i ain’t never start something if i don’t be disturbed with something that annoys me.
I just thought that you would come to me and not leaving me alone. i prefer to be hurted in front of my face rather than behind my face. i prefer to be told in advance rather than aftermath. cause after that, it just too late to fix my heart though i still can try. and i still thinking of you as my best friend.
That’s why this quote is really describe how i cherish the friendship; “Sometimes, your closest friends end up hurting you more than your worst enemies would ever come close to”. Because of what? because i think when you were best friend you could say anything freely, you don’t have to feel that things will destroy yr friendship. eventhough it’s hurt but it might be better if you say it truthfully rather than keep it and reveals it someday. cause then yr friend, who thought that you think the same as her will feel that she feels untrusted, ignored and then finally bertrayed cause you don’t even talk with her and suddenly create your own gang and realized your dreams suddenly without even shared it with me?? what is my fault? i thought friends will share their dreams together, sorry if i was miss-interpretation this. if u didn’t feel it that way.
i don’t know if you can take this honest-writing as fine as me, cause words tend to be misscomunicated when you want the readers understand it. the point is, i’m not changing. i never change. just need time and fix these questions in my head~~
that “why did u feel hard to tell me about what you wanna to talk to me at first?”
“did u think that i was gonna feel really JEALOUS when u do this to me?” -yes, a lil bit, it’s fake if i don’t feel tht lil bit. but hey? don’t be so narrow freund, whatever happen i’ll be in your side if you indeed remember me at first.
Lastly, i’m really surprised that you will be able to realize your dreams this fast. i wish eventhough you’re growing up you still have those pure mind and clear vision to reach your dreams, then i will be proud to say that you are really great and person to be proud of as one of my best friends. cause when you’re grown up you intend to just wanna be succes without thinking about by how did you get it and you lose the natural process.
I always pray for your happiness and no matter how it i still spare my heart for those who taught me about life, and you are one of them :)
always remember, u are my best friend and sister, even if we don’t talk very often i am here when u need me..
* i wish this writing would make things up clearly?
Secara ga sadar dalam kehidupan kita sehari-hari, setiap orang saling menjelekkan orang lain terutama personalitinya karena suku. Sudah terlalu banyak pertikaian karena mempermasalahkan isu, agama, dan gender. Setiap suku saling menjelekkan di belakang atau bahkan saling melabelkan dirinya berdasarkan etnis tertentu.
Dan saya baru sadar bukan cuma orang india ato orang arab aja yang suka ngomong keras2 ga kenal tempat. Orang indonesia juga kalo udah ngumpul sama sesamanya juga suka teriak2 ketawa2 gak kenal waktu dan tempat. Intinya jangan suka nilai orang karena dia orang arab, orang india, terus pasti berisik dan bau minyak ‘nyong-nyong’. Jangan suka nilai orang padang pelit, doyan duit (matre), cerewet, cowok2nya egois. Jangan suka nilai orang palembang itu kasar, mulutnya kasar, suka teriak2, pemales. Jangan suka nilai orang jawa itu suka ‘makan dalem’, orangnya nerimo, ngomongnya pelan-pelan. Jangan suka nilai orang medan itu suka teriak2 kayak orang lagi ngomong di pantai, kalo nangis meraung-raung. Itu semua penilaian dan sterotype peninggalan kolonial! sekarang ini dunia udah modern, man!
Saya akuin saya juga sempat menaruh stereotype sama etnis tertentu. Karena beberapa hal dan perbincangan keseharian yang semakin rasis, alhamdulillah mata saya semakin terbuka karena apa yang saya anggap selama ini ternyata salah. Setiap kaum saling menjelek-jelekkan etnis lain. Menganggap etnis lain itu buruk sifatnya, di sisi lain saat saya berada dalam etnis yang di jelek-jelekkan tersebut saya juga mendengar hal yang sama mengenai etnis yang menjelek-jelekkan mereka. Tanpa mereka sadari, mereka saling menjelek-jelekkan kaumnya satu sama lain. Ironis.
Di saat saya berada di dalam lingkungan yang seperti ini saya berusaha bersikap netral namun ada kalanya saya juga ikut ‘nyemplung’ ke dalam perbincangan yg sangat rasis ini. Setelah saya melakukan ini, saya merasa malu sama diri sendiri. Pikiran saya sangat sempit, dan kekanak-kanakan kayak saya tinggal di desa terpencil nun jauh disana, gak kenal teknologi, gak pernah sekolah dan gak pernah bersosialisasi sama orang dari luar sana yang berbeda budaya. (berbeda budaya gak harus langsung ke luar negeri, kayaknya lo harus keliling Indonesia dulu deh biar bisa akrab sama budaya negeri sendiri)
Masih berhubungan dengan ‘quote’ dibawah ini, saya harus mencoba ngerubah penilaian saya sendiri baru saya bisa mempengaruhi orang-orang disekitar saya. Saya gak mau jadi ‘superhero’ yang sok ngerubah orang, tapi saya harap saya bisa mulai dari diri sendiri untuk tidak menilai sikap, kebiasaan atau personaliti orang dari etnis, agama atau gendernya. Apapun itu, setiap orang terlahir murni tanpa label apapun, dan budaya yang menempel dari sejak ia lahir hingga dewasa adalah hasil didikan orangtua dan lingkungan sekitarnya, tempat dia tumbuh. Saya bukan sosiolog jadi mungkin pemikiran saya juga tidak sepintar mereka. Saya juga kurang tahu istilah-istilah hebat seperti cendikiawan dan ilmuwan sana. Saya hanya ingin menuangkan pikiran saya saja. Toh, ini juga tulisan saya pribadi, blog saya pribadi dan saya berharap sebelum orang mengkritik tulisan saya, mereka juga bisa menilai diri mereka sendiri dahulu.
Setiap orang tidak sempurna, tapi kalau mereka mencoba untuk memperbaiki diri dan mau belajar, terkadang ‘mengalah’ juga bisa membawa kita kepada kemenangan. Back to the main point, satu resolusi saya yaitu saya harus mencoba untuk menilai seseorang karena jati diri orang itu sendiri. Bukan dia karena jenis kelaminnya. Bukan dia karena agamanya. Bukan dia karena etnisnya. Namun, karena dia adalah dia dan sifatnya sebagai individual pribadi.
